IT'S BEEN A WHILE, I'M SORRY

And that is pretty much the exact same phrase that I begin every phone conversation with these days.
I am off the grid! (And by "off the grid" I mean that I no longer have any contact with human beings that don't go to my school.)
So, life has been crazy lately, and I've certainly been drinking my share of Johnny Walker Red and I've also been doing my share of studying at law school and gettin fuckin A's on everything, bitch!
(I'm sorry to call you bitch, I really like you and calling someone bitch isn't very nice at all.)
There have been lots of exciting things going on in my life though. For instance, I MET SOMEONE AND WE HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE! He's super cute and loves to give me attention, but he doesn't talk much. Well, whatever, I talk enough for the both of us! He loves to listen to my theories about how everyone should be scared of extraterrestrials and about how the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse showed up at the Kentucky Derby this year and also that people can get HIV from nail salons and he really finds it interesting that I will forever be opposed to everything that happens on the International Space Station. Last night I told him that I think my roommate is a serial killer and he just squished up his nose all adorable-like, which I take to mean that he totally loves to hear my voice.
Here's a picture of him:

Also, he totally understands why I think Whitney Houston is an undercover CIA agent and that fresh-water fishing will save our civilization after the shit goes down, He also agrees with me that Melanie Griffith is from a mutant stem cell species that was bred in an underground lair where the government did crazy experiments with breeding humans. And I just whisper to him all night about how I hate the Jews (I don't really hate the Jews I just hate Israel) and about how sometimes people can be rude on the bus, and then there's all that stuff about how I think that Tupac and Biggie and Saddam Hussein and Hitler are still alive and hangin' out in Micronesia, just mindin their own beeswax and avoiding fame, because fame traps people into a special prison that only personal trainers and good cocaine can make life plausible, at best.
I'm losing my mind but I still love you guys,
-katie