Today somebody told me that you can make explosives out of guano (bat poop)! See, I always thought that the only thing that bats are good for is making vampires out of them. So at this point I'm all about breeding bats, because with a ready arsenal of bombs and vampires I will totally corner the market on global domination! All that I need is a dark enclosed underground area and a set of mating pairs of bats that are willing to have lots of sex with each other.
So, I just googled "bats for sale animals" (I included "animals" in the search to avoid the baseball bat problem. People sell baseball bats all of the time. Animal-bats? Not so much.)
After an exhaustive search on the internet, this is the only real lead that I got:
"You probably can't buy one but you can trap one. Here's how; get a nylon stocking, put a rock in the toe about the dia. of a quarter and tie a knot to keep it in. Now go to an open area where bats are feeding. Throw the stocking as high as you can. The bats will think it's flying food and will dive for it getting their claws stuck to the nylon. When it comes down with an entangled bat, catch it with a net."
That seems like a lot of work though. Instead I'll prolly just watch another episode of "Kath and Kim" and drink some more wine and go to bed. Like I really want to travel to some "bat-feeding area" tonight, I barely even go to see my friends in Brooklyn. Where the fuck are these bat-feeding areas anyway? Transylvania, or possibly New Jersey? No thanks! The last time that I went to New Jersey I ended up with pink eye and Legionnaire's Disease!
(Plus, this bat doesn't look like he's up for having sex with another bat or that he wants to do anything else, for that matter. This bat is obviously TERRIFIED OF LIFE. Like I need that responsibility these days, feeling guilty every time that the bat gets sad or lonesome for his bat family back at whatever cave he grew up in!)
Love
katie
p.s. sorry about all of that downer talk in my last posting about how I'm going to work with a bunch of sex offenders this summer. Who wants to read about that? Maybe other sex offenders but THAT'S IT, DUDE.
i'd like to just quote the ferngully rap at length but you should know, bat houses are bigger than the macarena now so you just have to talk to people doin the bat house thing and i'm sure they'll let you clean up their garage and laugh maniacally.
ReplyDeletethey can eat 1500 mosquitoes a night! so they're buddies