Hi everyone,
So, lately there's been a lot of talk about a proposed bill in Congress that would ban the interstate trafficking of chimps, and here's why I think that it's a bad idea:
Chimps are genetically almost human beings, and therefore they should enjoy the same rights as human beings and also therefore they should be treated in the same way that human beings are treated. Citizens of the United States enjoy the freedom of interstate travel and all of the privileges and immunities that they have under their forum state. This is governed by the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution's Privileges and Immunities Clause. So, it's frankly unconstitutional to restrict the right of interstate travel of chimps.
I mean, sure, this bill is a reaction to that news story of the chimp that ate off that lady's hands and face and totally freaked out on her and then she died. But this particular chimp hasn't been brought up on any criminal charges yet and there's been no trial date set. It's like if Jeffrey Dahmer went around eating people's faces and hands but wasn't caught by the police and therefore that serial-killin' maniac could drive to any state that he wanted to, killing people and eating them and making their skin into various lampshades or quilts or wallpaper or jackets or whatever he did with human skin. If he wasn't brought up on criminal charges then he was still free to roam around and kill people without being stopped from interstate travel. So, that's cool.
Just let the chimps do whatever they want to until the courts get involved. That's what I say. This proposed bill is just another way that the Legislature abuses their power of checks and balances and steps on the authority of the Judicial Branch!
I am going to fail out of law school because I obviously don't understand how any of this works!
Love
Katie
p.s. The Bachelor is the dumbest show on television, by far.
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